Leanne's Cancer Blog

Difficult decisions!

Gosh am so pleased to have finally found this blog - really didn't know how many people are out there all going through different stages of cancer, this blogging helps to put things down in writing that we may otherwise wouldn't say.  I was struggling to find anyone with the same or similar cancer to myself, I no longer feel alone.

I have recently visited my oncologist last Friday, as a soon to be regular monthly visit.  After being told that surgery may not be an option because of the chance of not recovering from it, he is now reassessing this with the slim possibility, while that in itself is exciting news, it brings with it the scary option of more chemo before surgery.  Either way they cannot guarantee 1) I will survive the surgery 2) my body will cope with the chemo as my bone marrow and heart have already been compromised last time.  Soooooo after thinking long and hard and feeling so wonderful at the moment do I really want to change everything in the blink of a needle??? Do I want to go back to the days in bed, loss of appetite, thrush in my mouth, numb fingertips, complete hair loss, and total exhaustion that took months to recover from?? when they can't guarantee it will give me any longer to live.  I just can't do it to myself again or my family.  My beautiful boys will know doubt watch their mother die - if I can continue on as the happy, healthy mum I am for longer, seems like the only option for me right now.  Chemo would change all of that for no extra benefit.  Am I making the right choice?? I go too and fro in my head, but surely living and enjoying life, laughing and being me, being the wife and mum that everyone knows and loves is what my life is about......................if they could give me years then I would reconsider but the negatives seem very high.

One of the hardest decisions I have ever made......saying no to chemo.... 

 

Jennifer threw a punch at your cancer.
4 people sent you a prayer.
5 people sent you a hug.
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Hello again! I posted on your bio page. My prayers are with you regardless of the path you choose.
Thanks Jennifer!!
I would do the same thing!
God only knows and can change things in a blink... keep the faith and pray and ask God for a plan.. that's what I would do... this has to be so hard Leanne... I am praying for you.. and your husband and boys... so if you could have the surgery and see how you feel afterwards is there a way to make the chemo decision after that?... I have no idea ... but that crossed my mind... If you would have some time to recover from the surgery then see how you feel about the chemo by how you feel then... I am sorry Leanne you have to go through this hugs and love and always prayers Sabina
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Vital Info

Posts

February 18, 2015

Auckland, New Zealand

July 7, 1967

Cancer Info

Sarcoma

Ewings Sarcoma of the Soft Tissue

July, 2008

Stage 3

5.1 - 6.0 cm

Grade 3

No

Lumpectomy

I try not to think about it too much, yes it is there, but while I am feeling well I will not let it rule my life. I want to laugh and live, not cry and die.

That you never realise what others are going through - not all cancers are visible, it can be a silent killer, have empathy for others. Realise tomorrow is a new day and it is just around the corner.

Think positively for me

The gift of laughter, make me smile. Let me cry when I want to, I try hard not to but there will be times when I can't help it. Let me talk about it when I need to even if it means talking about death, I can deal with it if you can.

Auckland Oncology Dept,

March, 2012

Small lump found in my abdomen - otherwise, happy and healthy

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